Passive Aggressive

*Unrelated Note of Importance* Gina is alive and well, I promise.  She recently went back to our former profession, which sounds worse than it is, but this is considered "busy season" and she is lucky to see her house, dog, or fiance for more than 4 hours a day.  That and the fact that she is diligently planning her wedding, makees her an unreliable blogger for the time being.  She will be back.  Promise.

So I am going to tell you a little story.  It starts like this.

Once upon the early summer of 2010, there was a girl, relatively unknown to most, who was in a seemingly abusive relationship.  After all, when she cried "it is never okay to hit a woman, ever" everyone listened.  As they should.  She received lots of support, but decided not to go into details with most as to what transpired that fateful night.
A few months later, this girl was given the gift of happiness yet again and she announced to her friends that she was happy yet again and sporting some shiny new hardware on that all important finger.  Again, not wanting to pry too much, her friends offered their genuine congratulations and kept their surprise at the timing well hidden.  She was happy, and timing does not matter.
The wedding planning began immediately, and a date was set.  The date was a little over a year and a half, but planning is half the fun, right?  Each moment of planning was shared with those around her, pictures of her dress were "ooh-ed and ahhh-ed" by the masses.  The engagement seemed to be carrying on perfectly.  There were countless date nights and they were publicly affectionate. 
The holiday season came and went with updates on new traditions being born for their future family as well as the initiation into each other's family happenings.
Then suddenly, with no warning to her friends, an announcement was made that she was in a dark place, stricken with grief and mourning over what could have been.  Questions were asked, but none were answered for days.  Eventually she explained to those that cared for her that she would contact them when she was ready, but please do not contact her. This was met with understanding and many began to assume the loss involved the engagement.
Days passed and suddenly the second (third?) stage of grief was entered full steam.  Anger, honest anger was spewed towards the former loved one.  This went on for about a week, then acceptance moved in. After acceptance came the rationalization.  To herself, likely, but to her friends definitely.  Friends were asked to not bash the former flame, to let her move forward and grow from the experience.  So far, everything seemed to play out as it should.
Then the bashing returned.  And along with the bashing, the accusations of potential stalking and horrible acts.  None described in detail, but the allusions were clear as day. 
Finally, she reprimanded her friends for discussing her story with others.  And shame on them for asking questions and did someone really just speak to one of his friends?  How dare they!

Is this familiar to anyone else?  Reminiscient of a high school breakup perhaps?  Or gossip overheard by a teenager speaking loudly on their cell phone?
For me, it is the musings of a Facebook *friend* who I have absilutely no memory of from wherever it was I once met or knew her.  As an aside, I have an accept policy on FB for anyone I recognize or that more than a handful of my good real life friend's have confirmed.  I also freely use the Ignore button, but I have kept these posts unhidden for the entertainment value alone. 
I don't consider anyone in any sort of abusive relationship a form of entertainment.  In fact, I sent a private message to the girl last summer to offer help if she needed it. I also don't doubt her story in any way, lest I be accused of that.  The moral to my story is really only that I am offended you chose to berate me and your other 367 friends for "not respecting her privacy by sharing her page with others (obviously this was directed to someone other than me as I am just now writing this post!)" and "keep your opinions to yourself as they are clearly irrelevant and if they differ than mine feel free to use the ignore button."  Really? You tell me and the equivalent of the population of West, TX 3 times over every freaking detail of your life, but we aren't respecting your privacy? 
Good grief. 
And here I am waiting for her next post.  There is a 50-50 chance she is "turning over a new leaf and leaving the past behind with love and respect."  My money is on "You can all go to hell for staying friends with the ex."  She is due for a pissy comment any minute now.
Do you have *friends* like these, or am I the only lucky one?

*also, spell check isn't working, so I apologize for all horribly splled words. Way too lazy to proof read*

Why I Am Scared of Oompa Loompas

A friend of mine is getting married. Woohoo for her! Run and hide for the rest of us who must be forced to spend time with Oompa Loompa bridesmaid from hell.
Oompa Loompa is just that; awkward, pudgy to the point it keeps her from having a normal gait, and tinted an unnatural color of orange.

Do you want this standing next to you at your wedding? Didn't think so.

Recently at a shower for Bride, we were treated to Oompa Loompa in all her glory. You see OL contributed to the truly fabulous shower by A) acting as a director of the party by dictating who got what piece of cake, seriously, and B) providing a total of 4 folding chairs. Anyway, the chairs were fully functional FOLDING chairs. You know the ones you fold for storage in a dusty closet somewhere until your husband decides to start a poker group on Tuesday nights in your living room? I believe they were the Target brand, and I know this because I heart all things Target, with the deep cherry wood colored veneer to make them look more grown up than your average post college furniture. The party wraps up and the rest of us are helping Hostess clean and return her gorgeous house back to its pre-party state, when the Hostess exclaims she is going to start moving the chairs outside to be packed in someones car. You would have thought she said she was going to place someones new white Jimmy Choos in a mud puddle for safekeeping the way OL came unglued.

Scene:

Hostess: There is room in C's car so I am going to start taking these chairs outside to be loaded.

OL (mumbling to herself, which only I overheard as she was solidly within my personal space): Leave the chairs alone, they scratch very easily and I don't want them ruined

Hostess (never hears this) goes to grab chairs and folds 2 of them and heads to front door

OL: Put the F*%&ing Chairs down! I said they scratch easily and you will RUIN them

Hostess: They are folding chairs, I haven't hurt them, but whatev, sorry

OL: You will scratch the wood and I did not bring them all this way to ruin them, unless you are planning on buying me new ones

5 minutes later the rest of the crew are done doing the dishes and in their drunken state come over and decide to move the chairs out of the living room.

Wash, rinse, repeat:

OL: Put the GD F*%$ing chairs down. You will scratch them. Hostess, I will need clean towels to use as covers for the chairs in order to move them!

Hostess: What?

OL: Clean towels. You know, to put in between the chair and the chair back to prevent scratching? I will wash them and mail back to you if it is a big deal.

Hostess: Where are the towels you used to bring them here?

OL: I didn't need them on the way here because I packed them myself, and I know how to properly fold and load them. But I can't do any folding and loading now because my shoes are causing blisters and I cant go outside in this neighborhood barefoot, so your friends will have to do the loading. And they obviously can't be trusted to move anything.

I kid you not. And I get to spend this entire weekend with her at the bachelorette party. Let's hope she comes down with the swine flu today.

P.S., Apparently her family owns a rental company...

NB2 Response to Toxy McFrenemy Post

I have heard this story before, plus other stories a la McFrenemy, and trust me, she's a certified loon. But what I really want to talk about is the returning of used clothing items. GROSSNESS.

I have returned my fair share of clothing, but I can assure you the clothes I returned were never worn in public. It completely creeps me out that some cheap ass may have previously bought this shirt, worn it to a bar, Febreezed it, and returned it to the store.

But what really, really disturbes is this video from the Today Show. Watch it, and you too will learn what disgusting secret's Victoria has been hiding all these years.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/03/03/victorias-secret-blooming_n_483941.html



Also, McFrenemy, it was a $20 dress. How cheap are you?

The Adventures of Toxy McFrenemy: The $20 Dress Scandal

First off, I am super excited about our first follower, George’s Mum. It is such a warm and fuzzy feeling knowing that someone else is reading our nonsense and that NB2 and I are not just writing to amuse one another.


Okay, so I have this “friend” whom I have had since we were freshman in high school. So that’s, what like 14 years? God I am old. Anyway, we had been BFF’s for forever, but recently she has turned into a toxic friend (I shall call her Toxy McFrenemy). I thought this was just a rare occurrence since she was getting married and turned all bridezilla on everyone. In fact I am fairly sure she quoted one particular WeTV Bridezilla without even realizing it. (Side note: If you have never seen an episode of Bridezillas I strongly recommend it. It is mindless, make you feel good about yourself entertainment at its finest. I wasn’t kidding when I said I spend all day watching Wedding Sundays marathons.)


So anyway, I figured once she was FINALLY married she would get over herself (seriously, she talked about this wedding non-stop and it wasn’t even all that great. Not at all like NB2’s amazing wedding, where she had a mac and cheese bar and the groomsmen were taking shots at this super nice country club-like place). **NB2 - Aww, thanks! Mac and cheese is awesome, how could I not serve it at the wedding?!?! **I was so wrong. So rather than go on and on about how psycho Toxy is, I decided I would every now and then give you an example of the Adventures of Toxy McFrenemy and you can tell me if I am making this up in my head or if I should somehow sever this 14 year “friendship.” Also, I am not a mean person. I just think some of the things she does are too good not to blog about. Here we go.


Scene: Two other girls and I have thrown a bachelorette party for Toxy in Vegas. After a few hours of drinking in the room and playing games, we are in our hotel room getting ready for our night out on the town.


Me: I am not sure I like this dress I brought. I feel kind of like a cow/slut. Thoughts, ladies?


Nice Friend 1: You could totally pull it off.


Toxy: Umm, I don’t like it. Here try this one that I brought.


Me: Well, okay. (Tries on dress, fits nicely. Notice the tags are still on so I tuck them in the $19.99 dress to get the full effect.) What about this one?


Toxy: Yes, you should wear that one.


Nice Friend 2: Yeah it’s super cute.


Me: Okay, thanks!


Toxy: Why do you still have the tags on? Take them off.


Me: Are you sure? Ok. (happily continues getting ready)


(As we are leaving)


Toxy: Did you throw the tags away?


Me: Yeah I think so. Why?


Toxy: WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?! I was going to return that dress! Are you going to pay me back for it??!!


Nice Friend 1: Um but you told her to take them off.


Toxy: I MEANT THE HANGER TAGS!!!


Me: Um, that’s fine, I’ll just pay you the $20 for the dress.


Toxy: You better. Plus tax.


Oh Toxy McFrenemy. How I love your snobby cheapness.