I've Got the Fever

... Not of the Bieber strain. 

Worse. 
Maybe.

The baby fever.  It is awful.  I really need some prescription strength Excedrin No Babies, but the stupid HEB monopoly here doesn't seem to carry it.

I don't know where this is coming from.  Seriously.  I have a few friends with bambinos, and toddling poopypants, but it is not like I am surrounded by upchucking mini humans all day.  Husband and I decided last year that we would start trying to have a baby around June of this year, but that was before I got a new job that I actually like.  We decided when I ripped up my contract with the devil (read: quit my last job) that I did not want to have a baby during the first year I worked at the new place.  Pregnant during part of that year, sure, baby, no.  But here I am 3 months into the job and I am starting to dream babies.

Being the rational person I think I am, I have made a list of baby vs. no baby

No Baby:
Ugly babies - Don't say all babies are cute.  You know damn well there are some ugly babies out there.  I don't want anyone's pity when I birth ET's long lost cousin
Ovulation charts  - My graph drawing stage came and went with Advanced Economics in college
Weight gain - The most successful I have ever been at weight loss was 8 pounds.  Something tells me I will gain more than that with a baby
Diapers - gag me
Delivery - I've read Breaking Dawn...just because Husband isn't immortal doesn't mean I will have better luck. 
Infertility - My husband claims to have suffered from Blunt Testicular Trauma as a child.
The Obvious - Pregnancy and child raising is just plain scary

Baby -
Maternity Clothes/Eating A Lot - so excited about this
Baby - *most* are so dang cute!
Maternity leave - 3 months to hang with a kid and still have a job to go back to.

As you can see, I am really trying not to want a baby right now.  But just like dieting, my efforts amount to a massive fail. 

Advice?

Shoesday - The almost wordless edition

Kim has officially lost her mind. 

Here's an idea, force Lindsay Lohan to wear these for a week straight and save us the inevitable mockery of the justice system.

But... her sneaky little deadlines conned me into buying one of the following

Disclaimer: there are representatives of both shoe cults in the photos above.