Thursday, May 13, 2010

Life Rule: A Ring Is NOT A License To Be Bat Shit Crazy

Today is supposed to be Throwback Thursday but guess how much I don’t care. I have more pressing matters. I need you to virtually slap me in my face and tell me to get my shit together because I am seriously sub-consciously sabotaging N’s proposal.

See, I have been telling N that I need a vacation and he hasn’t had a day off of work in like 9 months or something ridiculous so FINALLY we are going somewhere. Also? He and I both know that he is going to FINALLY give me the ring that is currently residing in my sock drawer (I never said I was marrying the slickest of men) so he has actually taken total control over where we are going, when we are going and how long we are staying. Swoon, right? Wrong. Because I have issues. This was our conversation yesterday:

N: How does June 7-9 sound to you?
Me: Oh... I thought we were going on a real vacation. That’s just a long weekend. And it doesn’t even fall on a weekend so….
N: Well for a real vacation I want to go somewhere like Cabo.
Me: Well then why are we even going to Miami if you don’t want to go there???
N: I thought you wanted to go to check out places for the wedding.
Me: But this is your thing, you should do it where you want to do it and not let me control it! Just forget the whole thing! I don’t even want to go anymore!
N: ……….. Um, what just happened?

It’s like I know I am being an unreasonable bitch and I can’t do anything about it. Help.

Sad Bitchy Quasi-Bridezilla PMS Hearts,


Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Deep Dark Confessions by C

I have a confession. 

I have a massive crush. 
An obsession, really. 

You know the feeling you got as a 5th grader when the first boy you thought was cute smiled at you? 

Or, as my new favorite nemesis Ke$ha would say, makes my heart beat like an 808 drum?  If I had a basement, I would be all over slumber parties with it.

What is this wanderlust I speak of, you ask?

Office Supply Stores.


It is my candy store and I am an unrestrained kid.  With a credit card and an endless supply of crack staples.

It is something about the smell, and the shiny plastic report covers that make me, well, ahem, happy.

And mutli-colored gel pens, and bright super sticky post-its and I could go on and on. 

The worst part?  I am the least organized, messiest accountant known to man.  Ask Gina.  I subscribe to the more papers makes it look like I am busy theory.  Part method to my madness, part where the F did I just put my pen chaos reigns supreme in my world. 

Gasping for air under the leaning tower of various SEC filing drafts on my desk are shiny, metallic paperclips and my coveted white-gum eraser.

Because everyone knows the white erasers are far better than the pink school erasers.  Right?

Please, please tell me this happens to other people?

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Shoesday Tuesday: HUGE News,,,well, sort of...okay medium-sized at best

Today is Shoesday and we have some huge news here at 2NB. Ready for us to blow your mind? We received an email from none other than ShoeDazzle. I am not delusional, I swear. And it wasn’t one of those “Your alternate street-walking shoes are ready!” emails. It was a real email and here what it said:


I am a representative of SD (i.e., a close personal friend of Kimmy K I am sure) and I came across your blog. I have to say you are one of the funniest and awesome writers ever, and Kimmy is super sad you are not pleased with the shoe selections she sent you. I mean she is basically a mess over this. So, while I think KK’s tranny shoes are amazing blog material, she wants me to ask you what exactly do you want from us. So, why don’t you give me your *real* email info and name and we’ll see what we can do about getting your feet into some mid-heel, semi-conservative, non-boot, non-wedged dazzle, mkay?

Well, you can’t fool me Mr. I-know-Kim-and-she-doesn’t-find-you-amusing-whatsoever. I just know the second I send you my info you are going to sue me for libel or slander and I’m not sure what the difference is but I know I won’t like it. But that’s not all. We also received an email from some lady at (by the way I just made this up and am totally going to see what’s at that address when I am done with this post). This lady was all “Hi I am so-and-so and this site has shoes that are better and cheaper.” So not only are people reading us, they want us to be happy with our shoes. And it kind of makes me a little warm and fuzzy.

For the record, I heart Kimmy K and her love for all things woman-of-the-night. However, I did not purchase any shoes this month and it makes me feel empty inside. Kimmy, if you are reading this, please come back to us and bring your once-amazing and dazzling shoe style with you.

Mixed shoe emotions,


P.S. The SD guy was actually super nice and probably won’t sue us but we aren’t taking any chances.