Thursday, March 18, 2010

The Adventures of Toxy McFrenemy: The $20 Dress Scandal

First off, I am super excited about our first follower, George’s Mum. It is such a warm and fuzzy feeling knowing that someone else is reading our nonsense and that NB2 and I are not just writing to amuse one another.

Okay, so I have this “friend” whom I have had since we were freshman in high school. So that’s, what like 14 years? God I am old. Anyway, we had been BFF’s for forever, but recently she has turned into a toxic friend (I shall call her Toxy McFrenemy). I thought this was just a rare occurrence since she was getting married and turned all bridezilla on everyone. In fact I am fairly sure she quoted one particular WeTV Bridezilla without even realizing it. (Side note: If you have never seen an episode of Bridezillas I strongly recommend it. It is mindless, make you feel good about yourself entertainment at its finest. I wasn’t kidding when I said I spend all day watching Wedding Sundays marathons.)

So anyway, I figured once she was FINALLY married she would get over herself (seriously, she talked about this wedding non-stop and it wasn’t even all that great. Not at all like NB2’s amazing wedding, where she had a mac and cheese bar and the groomsmen were taking shots at this super nice country club-like place). **NB2 - Aww, thanks! Mac and cheese is awesome, how could I not serve it at the wedding?!?! **I was so wrong. So rather than go on and on about how psycho Toxy is, I decided I would every now and then give you an example of the Adventures of Toxy McFrenemy and you can tell me if I am making this up in my head or if I should somehow sever this 14 year “friendship.” Also, I am not a mean person. I just think some of the things she does are too good not to blog about. Here we go.

Scene: Two other girls and I have thrown a bachelorette party for Toxy in Vegas. After a few hours of drinking in the room and playing games, we are in our hotel room getting ready for our night out on the town.

Me: I am not sure I like this dress I brought. I feel kind of like a cow/slut. Thoughts, ladies?

Nice Friend 1: You could totally pull it off.

Toxy: Umm, I don’t like it. Here try this one that I brought.

Me: Well, okay. (Tries on dress, fits nicely. Notice the tags are still on so I tuck them in the $19.99 dress to get the full effect.) What about this one?

Toxy: Yes, you should wear that one.

Nice Friend 2: Yeah it’s super cute.

Me: Okay, thanks!

Toxy: Why do you still have the tags on? Take them off.

Me: Are you sure? Ok. (happily continues getting ready)

(As we are leaving)

Toxy: Did you throw the tags away?

Me: Yeah I think so. Why?

Toxy: WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?! I was going to return that dress! Are you going to pay me back for it??!!

Nice Friend 1: Um but you told her to take them off.


Me: Um, that’s fine, I’ll just pay you the $20 for the dress.

Toxy: You better. Plus tax.

Oh Toxy McFrenemy. How I love your snobby cheapness.


Sarah RDH said...

Geez!! Yeah, she def. told you to take the tags off. Hangers tags don't count, bc they aren't hanger "tags". I call them hanger straps. Anywho- even if she did mean the hanger straps, it is also completely wrong to remove THOSE and then return it. That's like, making it defective, ya know?? Similar to spilling something on it then returning it, just less noticeable. Either way, yeah she's physco.

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