Tuesday Shoesday... the Wednesday edition

You are probably thinking that as I promised a Shoesday Tuesday post and the post is coming on Wednesday that it should be at least better than usual, but you would be wrong. 
But... it is a shoe post nonetheless.

I caved and bought some ShoeDazzle goodness.  And Holy Guacamole they are cute AND comfortable.  Shocker. 
I wasn't going to buy shoes this month, and was pretty much over the whole thing when I opened my inbox to boots.

Please don't judge the poor quality of photos, and please also ignore the fact that these are supposed to be slouchy and have an inch or so between calves and boots, but alas I am a heifer and no such space exists.

Boots.  I mean, it was the beginning of football season which in most parts of the US signals cooler weather and cute boots.  I was excited.
Even the Hus approves.  Double shocker.
But I didn't get much else exciting in my combined 10 picks (actually it was 9.  SD gave me the same boot in different colors at 2 separate options.)

Never fear, I have done some internet shopping for you to fill the void.  A friend does some marketing for Naya shoes and wore a pair to a party the other night.  I fell in love.  With ankle boots.  It is like I don't even know me.  So now I am obsessed with these:

And these:

And these:

And OMG THESE:

1, 2 & 4 are from Naya and are environmentally friendly, so totally worth it.  3 is from Bandolino (I found at Piperlime) and I am really hoping the riding boot fad isn't over because I totally missed out last year.

What other shoe fads am I missing for this fall?  I don't want to be late to the party again.



How I found out my dog was smarter than me

Or at least more frugally-minded.  Is that right?  Or Frugal minded.  Or cheap.  Whatev.

Our lack of Shoesday posts can be chalked up to one of two things. 
1. We have had it up to HERE with the shoe cults, or
2. We are lazy.

I will take 1 AND 2 for the win Alex. 

I haven't quit shoe clandom yet, but if I don't drink the kool-aid soon, I imagine they will off me sooner rather than later. 

I bought a pair of shoes in July because I didn't follow the rules.  Because the rules were so super clear shoe selling people!   Which rule? The 5 days no takesies backsies even if you ask for a new selection pay up now bull crap.  That rule.  CoughNigerianScamCough.  What, wrong country?

I thought I actually liked them.  They went with outfits I didn't already have a designated shoe for.
I wore them to work twice and both times I came home with unfortunately putrid smelling wet feet nurturing blisters that resembled oil coated dead jelly fish in the Gulf.  But I wanted to like them.  I really did.  So much that when I cleaned out my closet, (well let's just say I picked up the crap on the floor), I refrained from tossing them in the Give Away pile. 

Then one evening as I recovered from a terribly hard day of playing on the interwebs and emailing Gina, as I stalked people through Facebook and watched a rerun of Bones for the 4th time, I heard this weird scraping sound.  Scraping like fingernails on rubber.  Cause you know, clearly you are annoyed daily by that sound...

And there was Blue chowing down on the heel of my shoe.  I would take a picture, but I left my camera at my in-laws.  Likely story, I know.

And that was the last pair of shoes I have bought from the Bieber Lover and the Other Shoe Gang.  And the last one I intend to buy. 
I know, I know, the cost of gas driving to the shoe store plus the shoe prices and often sparse selection of non rubbery, non-velcro including shoes surely will cause me to eat my words.  And you might be right.  But I am officially on sabbatical from online shoe buying. 

And also in the market for a rubber based toy for the dog.  We are now down 1 pair of shoes and 2 garden hoses.  Also a rug and 5 rubber balls.  And a partridge in a pear tree.

Suggestions?

Shoesday - The almost wordless edition

Kim has officially lost her mind. 

Here's an idea, force Lindsay Lohan to wear these for a week straight and save us the inevitable mockery of the justice system.

But... her sneaky little deadlines conned me into buying one of the following

Disclaimer: there are representatives of both shoe cults in the photos above. 

I am the Robert Langdon in the world of Shoe Dazzle

Sooooo... I cracked the code.
 
ShoeDazzle sent me my replacement selection.
And, ohmyfreakingwordhalelujiahpraisebabyJesus they sent me more than one pair of acceptable shoes.

But...

Its ShoeDazzle, so of course there is a but.  What, you were expecting success?

The 2 shoes I really really liked were sold out in my size.  As were a pair of decent shoes I liked, but already have something similar too.  They sent me 3 out of 5 SOLD OUT shoes. 
WTF? 
What have I done to deserve this?

Moral of the story: use small words related to what you want.  Like peep-toe, conservative, casual.  Do not use the words tranny, streetwalker, or cork, unless of course you are a streetwalking tranny who favors cork.  But be prepared to still find yourself disappointed that the stylists will figure out exactly what you want and offer you the once in a lifetime chance to covet the shoes without the chance to actually wear them.

C is for Cheater

Our facebook status reads: It's complicated. 
Well, it would if TNB and ShoeDazzle were on facebook. 
As I posted last week, I am continuing on with my tough-love stance with ShoeDaz, but really hoping KK takes the necessary steps to repair our broken love.  Kim on the other hand, apparently was hurt by my comments and she decided to play hardball.  Last week I got the following email:

Hey love, Happy Birthday!  As a birthday gift to you, I consulted the stars for a shoe that a two faced B Gemini like yourself would want for your birthday and I found them.  Hope you adore them to pieces! 

Kisses, K

The F? Are you kidding me? 



And then it hit me.  She knows. 
I haven't been entirely faithful to Kim either. 

It started out innocently enough.  I needed emergency shoes for a wedding, so I made a quick trip to DSW.  I knew KK would be forgiving because our complicated relationship is also a long-distance one, and I needed shoes that day. 
So I found these. 

I ESP-ed an apology to KK as I scooped up the box and was almost to the checkout when I spotted these. 

The emotional affair began here I guess.  Backup shoes for when the wedding spills over into the late night bar scene.  I don't want to ruin perfectly good heels, so a cute flat pair is really a necessity.  And sweet baby Jesus, they only cost $19.99.  It's like they are paying me. 
I rationalized the entire shopping trip as a one-time-only excursion.  But the lure of a real life shoe store kept bringing me in.  While buying the Hus new work shoes at Stein Mart, I saw these babies for $49.99.

And these:

But I looked down at my Gracie's and remembered I was a committed woman.

Until yesterday.  I don't know if it were the really awesome Louboutin black and red flats that whispered, "she's not really that into you," or the Manolo black pumps that screamed, "wtf is wrong with you, the patent leather is soo much shinier on our side," but something stuck.  And I caved. 

I am truly in love.  It is like I don't even know myself anymore.  Flats?  I have been a heel whore for years, but I guess everything changes.  (My Mom bought them for me as a birthday gift and took them home to wrap, so no real close up pictures yet.)

So Kim, I am sorry, I really am, but you have some really tough competition.  You need to get your act together immediately or I am going to run off with someone else.  Maybe not Nieman Marcus, but Nordstrom has a Rack even you can't top.  Please show me some effort this month, or I am officially turning you loose.
Scorned love,
C

Disclaimer - I can't remember the prices of the shoes from DSW exactly, but I know I didnt spend very much, and the above was my best estimation

Shoesday Late Edition

You know the stages of a breakup?

1. River of tears and depression

2. Denial

3. Drinking

4. Anger and more depression
5. Rebound relationship
6. Total body awesomeness makeover
7. Total life awesomeness makeover (or drugs if your name rhymes with Minsday Mohan)

I am thrilled to announce KK has DASHed her way through and is firmly in stage 6, with a minuscule corner of a stiletto heel back on the yellow brick road to stage 7.  Clearly, someone introduced Kimmy to a corner and she is thisclose to turning it.  I don't know if it is the rumored new man-friend, her new post-diet body, the fear of US teens brought on by really angry Bieber fans, or her ex-husband spewing stories that have whipped her into shape, but it is almost like the Kim of old has returned.  After our many near-breakups, KK has realized she will never do better than me I am serious about this shit and she put forth an effort to save the relationship.  Or, our Shoe Dazzle friend had a Jessica Simpson Chicken of the Sea moment and realized that women who work and *working girls* are not one in the same.  Either way, I was thrilled with my 6th and 7th shoes in my may selection.  (Side note - WTF? Shoe Dazzle?  You send me 5 shoes.  I say no, and then you send TWO more shoes?  If you sent them all at one time, I might be tempted to take our relationship further, if you know what I mean.)

The Poppy.  Totally work appropriate, and I am secretly dying for some red shoes.  But I am not crazy about the tan tassels.  This is totally my fault though, I had no idea I needed to include tassels in my Absolutely Not list. 

Then, I received this. 

The Nancy.  I was super tempted by the total adorableness of this amazing shoe, but it is tan (which I am trying to avoid as I have too many) and it isn't quite work appropriate for me (lots of walking across parking lots from one building to another, it kills cute heels).  Also, she threw in the philanthropy plea, buy this and we donate x% to charity.  So now I am a B for choosing not to buy?  Great, I love guilt.

Although I was completed taken by surprised by KK's effort this month, I decided to stick with my tough love approach until she can completely commit to this relationship.  I am no shoe whore.

I did however get my new Shoe Fab shoes in:

I apologize for the weird sized pictures.  New computer.  Can't figure out how to work the photo editor.

Sorry for the late post.

Shoesday Tuesday: HUGE News,,,well, sort of...okay medium-sized at best

Today is Shoesday and we have some huge news here at 2NB. Ready for us to blow your mind? We received an email from none other than ShoeDazzle. I am not delusional, I swear. And it wasn’t one of those “Your alternate street-walking shoes are ready!” emails. It was a real email and here what it said:


Hello,

I am a representative of SD (i.e., a close personal friend of Kimmy K I am sure) and I came across your blog. I have to say you are one of the funniest and awesome writers ever, and Kimmy is super sad you are not pleased with the shoe selections she sent you. I mean she is basically a mess over this. So, while I think KK’s tranny shoes are amazing blog material, she wants me to ask you what exactly do you want from us. So, why don’t you give me your *real* email info and name and we’ll see what we can do about getting your feet into some mid-heel, semi-conservative, non-boot, non-wedged dazzle, mkay?

Well, you can’t fool me Mr. I-know-Kim-and-she-doesn’t-find-you-amusing-whatsoever. I just know the second I send you my info you are going to sue me for libel or slander and I’m not sure what the difference is but I know I won’t like it. But that’s not all. We also received an email from some lady at myshoesarebetterandcheaper.com (by the way I just made this up and am totally going to see what’s at that address when I am done with this post). This lady was all “Hi I am so-and-so and this site has shoes that are better and cheaper.” So not only are people reading us, they want us to be happy with our shoes. And it kind of makes me a little warm and fuzzy.

For the record, I heart Kimmy K and her love for all things woman-of-the-night. However, I did not purchase any shoes this month and it makes me feel empty inside. Kimmy, if you are reading this, please come back to us and bring your once-amazing and dazzling shoe style with you.

Mixed shoe emotions,

Gina

P.S. The SD guy was actually super nice and probably won’t sue us but we aren’t taking any chances.

Shoesday Edition: 1st Court of Appeals

Saturday as I was fancying myself up for a wedding, yes another wedding, my personal assistant  blackberry alerted me to an very important email from Kim Kardashian.  My May selections of shoes were in!  I stifled a squeal and waited what felt like a decade for my tiny screen to display five shoes designed especially for me and my goddess like feet. 
I shook the phone, turned on and off the power, but yet, the fuzzy and blurry picture didn't improve with focus.  Behold:

Actually, I kind of liked the first pair of shoes, but I was holding out for something work appropriate, and I am also *trying* to stick to a budget and they would require new clothes to go with the cute strappy sandal and explaining that to my Husband would be like talking to the proverbial brick wall.  Worse actually.

Also, TWO bright yellow shoes in a selection of 5 Kimmy?  I have heard you make all sorts of statements regarding what is and is not the new black of the summer, but unless you want this strappy piece of sunshine where it isn't supposed to shine, you best pick me out something on the outer edge of the rainbow.  We won't go into the blue.gag.cork.gag.wedge heel or he suede (really?) boot because if you have read any of my previous Shoesday posts you have been fully apprised of my issues with both.  Unless of course you were classmates with any of the Kardashians in which case you too quite possibly had a good portion of your brain cells removed during your anti-cellulite procedure years ago.  

I found a way to muster through the burning tears and click, send me a new selection and was about to go back to primping for the upcoming wedding when I decided to tempt fate and check my Shoe Fab selection.  If you recall, Shoe Fab was notified of its current probation in April and was in current danger of pulling a Lohan by violating the agreed upon email notification clause in our contract, when the I realized that my shoe selection patiently awaited my judgement.  As the appellate court got under way, I was presented the following:

 

Ok, we have some possibilities here.  I haven't been completely persuaded by the Gladiator look, although I fully intend to embrace it about 6 months after it is no longer in style, so option 1 was out.  Option 2 was a no go for obvious reasons stated over and over again.  Seriously, why cork wedges are continually sent to me could qualify as the 9th wonder of the modern world.  Option 3 is not bad, but I already bought black sandals with a heel, I want something different.  Option 4 is an improvement but it's like the Twighlight saga for me.  It's better than the first, but its still a wedge heel covered in wooden laminate flooring.  I seriously considered option 5, but I can't get past the zipper.  I kept imagining myself attempting to seduce my husband by ever so slowly unzipping my shoe.  And then I would laugh at myself.  I couldn't get past that imagine of the seductive shoe removal, so I passed. 

Fortunately, Shoe Fab gives you 6 options per month, and so as not to tempt fate, I decided to take a chance on these:

I needed some new brown summer shoes, and I think these look fun.  And the best part was that I had a shoe credit from Shoe Fab, so I saved myself $39.99 this month. 

Sunday afternoon I was alerted that my Shoe Dazzle replacement selection was available.  I assumed the speed racer response was a sign from the shoe gods that Kim was humbled by my parting message of: I need WORK shoes.  In neutral colors please.  No gladiators, or shoes with 4 inch heels or higher.  My job requires walking through unpaved parking lots occasionally and stilettos are a little much.  Sorry about the bad breakup with the Reg, XOXO C

Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned Reggie.

She is trying to imprison  my ankles now?

Speechless

More Gladiators?  Really?

Oh look, ONE pair of flats for work.  Oh, nope.  these puppies have rhinestones AND fake pearls.  They should take my junior league meeting from daywear to clubwear, no problem right?  Barf.

Girlfriend needs a new boyfriend, or therapy, STAT.  Clearly.

So as of Monday morning I was ready to give my verdict.  Shoe Dazzle you are Out.  Shoe Fab you are In.  Again.  Until next month when one of you mindf*cks me again.

Calloused and bunioned love,

C

Shoesday: Shoe Fab vs. Shoe Dazzle part deux

April 1, 2010 was supposed to be a day of redemption for the folks at Shoe Fab.  I wated anxiously for my selection of new, to be coveted, shoes to be delivered directly to my inbox (via internet link, of course... how hard would it be to send me my selection without having to click on the internet, really?).  About 10am I was angry.  No shoe selection.  So I logged on to the website, and low and behold, there were 6 *shoes* staring at me from my boutique.  Apparently Shoe Fab was hiding in shame and hoped I would let this month go by unnoticed and not bear witness to the following atrocious craft projects masquerading as footwear:

Also, Rebekah, as seen bottom center:

(I left the selection at 3, no need to terrify anyone else.)

Boots?  You gave me f*ing boots in April?  I live in South Texas for the love of monkeys.  Boot season in South Texas is known as January.  So in my completely depressed and deflated state of mind, I swiftly hit, *New Selection, Please!* and awaited a new set of six new shoes.

Meanwhile, I decided that maybe Gina was right.  Shoe Dazzle was the way to go.  If nothing else, Kimmy K and I share the burden gift of full figured bottom halves, and everyone knows big booty women all think alike, yes?

So I logged on to Shoe Dazzle.  I began the survey... which outfit do you like best?  Well, none of them seem *real world wearable* but whatev, my tendancy to lean towards outfits without neon fur and with at least mid-thigh coverage obviously will direct the masterminds behind the shoe cult towards the perfect shoe for me.  Perfect being, work appropriate, but also wearable with my weekend uniform of jeans and various tops.  Perfect not being tranny, bedazzled, corked, or hippie - ish in any way.
*Wow, we need a cold shower.  The shoes we have selected so far today have left us hot.  Please try back later.*
Come again?  Your site is overloaded so you can't possibly determine which of your 80,000 shoes is the missing piece of my wardrobe?  Fanf*ingtastic.  I will wait.
Three days later, I get a Shoe Fab email.  I think to myself, Oooh, an email?  They must have found the holy grail of shoe happiness.  Must.see.shoes.now...

This shoe was already sold out?!?! The shoe people didn't even line up the heel with the side of the shoe correctly, but it SOLD OUT?P

Tears.  Actual tears begin falling.  I asked for WORK shoes.  Like I have a job with business suits and a laptop and everything.  I can't wear SANDALS!!  Shoe Fab, you are fired!  Well, on notice, since I have a shoe credit I need to cash in. 

Three more days pass, and Shoe Dazzle finally comes through:

The first shoe isn't awful, but I am not sure about the trapezoidal wedge heel, and also, I can't wear it to work.  Second shoe almost made me quit Shoe Dazzle.  Seriously, did you consult my Mom? Third shoe is ehh, but cork and I said no to cork in my surveys. 
However the shoe stars aligned and Shoe Dazzle also selected the Gracie in midnight blue.  Behold:

From my cube at work.

I decided I like them.  A lot.  Like, enough to want to go shopping for things to wear with midnight blue shoes, like them.  This shoe cult habit is going to bankrupt me.  Don't tell my husband, please.
So after much internal deliberation, followed by many many emails to Gina discussing the merits of flats and whether or not tranny is the new black, I have made my final ruling.  Shoe Fab is out, Shoe Dazzle is in.  Until the May appeals process.  Or until I begin my career as a Nocturnal Maiden of Joy.  It could happen.
~C

Shoesday Tuesday: The I Owe You Chewed Up Shoes Edition

I have new Shoedazzle shoes, which I love and I will get to, but they are boring and black rain cloud shoes, so I decided that in addition to my boring and black rain cloud shoes I will do blog-version of a montage of shoes that my puppy has attacked. You might be wondering what the hell is my problem that I can't keep a 30 lb. beagle in check, but she is one determined super ninja shoe-seeking dog. So when I leave her alone during the day (and sometimes at night if happy hours are involved), she gets pissed off and goes after my most prized possessions:

 

These shoes actually had real furries on them like a real leopard. *Tears*

Purple leather with fabric rosettes. They were going to be my new neutral shoes.  *Heavy sigh of sadness*

The infamous silver shoes

The shoe-seeking culprit after a long day of tearing up my heart. And my shoes.

The new soon-to-be victims...

I am sorry the pics suck because I am too lazy to drag out my real camera and prefer to use my phone camera instead. And I did not take pics of the shoes on my cavewoman feet because for some reason my camera phone makes my legs look like tree stumps and I don't want to be unfairly judged for distorted cankles.

Also, I am watching Sex and the City and they just showed a trailer for Sex and the City 2. I am thinking they jumped the shark with this one. Vacation in New Delhi and bringing back Aiden?? I am worried that Sex and the City 2 is the equivalent of that Karate Kid movie with the girl or Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde. I mean I'll probably still watch it, but I'm just saying.

Love,

Gina

P.S. Super excited about our new theme day - Throwback Thursdays. We decided our collective lives are not adventurous to provide daily material, which is depressing for us but hopefully entertaining for you.