Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Shoesday: Shoe Fab vs. Shoe Dazzle part deux

April 1, 2010 was supposed to be a day of redemption for the folks at Shoe Fab.  I wated anxiously for my selection of new, to be coveted, shoes to be delivered directly to my inbox (via internet link, of course... how hard would it be to send me my selection without having to click on the internet, really?).  About 10am I was angry.  No shoe selection.  So I logged on to the website, and low and behold, there were 6 *shoes* staring at me from my boutique.  Apparently Shoe Fab was hiding in shame and hoped I would let this month go by unnoticed and not bear witness to the following atrocious craft projects masquerading as footwear:
Also, Rebekah, as seen bottom center:

(I left the selection at 3, no need to terrify anyone else.)
Boots?  You gave me f*ing boots in April?  I live in South Texas for the love of monkeys.  Boot season in South Texas is known as January.  So in my completely depressed and deflated state of mind, I swiftly hit, *New Selection, Please!* and awaited a new set of six new shoes.
Meanwhile, I decided that maybe Gina was right.  Shoe Dazzle was the way to go.  If nothing else, Kimmy K and I share the burden gift of full figured bottom halves, and everyone knows big booty women all think alike, yes?
So I logged on to Shoe Dazzle.  I began the survey... which outfit do you like best?  Well, none of them seem *real world wearable* but whatev, my tendancy to lean towards outfits without neon fur and with at least mid-thigh coverage obviously will direct the masterminds behind the shoe cult towards the perfect shoe for me.  Perfect being, work appropriate, but also wearable with my weekend uniform of jeans and various tops.  Perfect not being tranny, bedazzled, corked, or hippie - ish in any way.
*Wow, we need a cold shower.  The shoes we have selected so far today have left us hot.  Please try back later.*
Come again?  Your site is overloaded so you can't possibly determine which of your 80,000 shoes is the missing piece of my wardrobe?  Fanf*ingtastic.  I will wait.
Three days later, I get a Shoe Fab email.  I think to myself, Oooh, an email?  They must have found the holy grail of shoe happiness.  Must.see.shoes.now...
This shoe was already sold out?!?! The shoe people didn't even line up the heel with the side of the shoe correctly, but it SOLD OUT?P

Tears.  Actual tears begin falling.  I asked for WORK shoes.  Like I have a job with business suits and a laptop and everything.  I can't wear SANDALS!!  Shoe Fab, you are fired!  Well, on notice, since I have a shoe credit I need to cash in. 
Three more days pass, and Shoe Dazzle finally comes through:

The first shoe isn't awful, but I am not sure about the trapezoidal wedge heel, and also, I can't wear it to work.  Second shoe almost made me quit Shoe Dazzle.  Seriously, did you consult my Mom? Third shoe is ehh, but cork and I said no to cork in my surveys. 
However the shoe stars aligned and Shoe Dazzle also selected the Gracie in midnight blue.  Behold:

From my cube at work.
I decided I like them.  A lot.  Like, enough to want to go shopping for things to wear with midnight blue shoes, like them.  This shoe cult habit is going to bankrupt me.  Don't tell my husband, please.
So after much internal deliberation, followed by many many emails to Gina discussing the merits of flats and whether or not tranny is the new black, I have made my final ruling.  Shoe Fab is out, Shoe Dazzle is in.  Until the May appeals process.  Or until I begin my career as a Nocturnal Maiden of Joy.  It could happen.


Sarah RDH said...

Yeah I like those too. I've also received all of those shoedazzle selecions, except pair #2 I got in silver, which I thought may be okay with jeans or pants or something. But I did not buy them. I'm actually super pissed at Kim K this month. I asked for new selections and specifically wrote "PLEASE STOP SENDING ME HOOKER SHOES. I HAVE 2 CHILDREN! AND YES, I AM TYPING THIS IN CAPS BC I AM YELLING IT AT YOU!!" And what does she do? Sends me all heels- 3"+. And they were HIDEOUS. So I am not getting a pair this month. Sads. She best redeem herself May 1st.

Becky Mochaface said...

I like the gold strappy sandals up top. But definitely not work appropriate. Which makes it hard to get enough wear out of them that I don't feel like I wasted my money. So the Gracie was *definitely* a good choice.

twononblondes said...

She did have an off month in April, but I think it is directly related to Reggie giving her the boot (no pun intended). Now she is too busy philandering with random men in public and being naked in Harper's Bazaar in a desperate attempt to show Reggie that she is over him. It's a sad story really because all Reggie has to do is sign up for ShoeDazzle and look at the atrocities she is marketing to realize she is really a hot mess on the inside.


twononblondes said...

Gina, I agree. Breakups are hard and may be the ultimate cause for her shoe debaucles this month. However, if May's selections aren't less hooker more awesome, I am officially off the shoe cult bandwagon!

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