Friday, April 9, 2010


Its annual review time here at the office, which means right now I am supposed to be filling out my self evaluation before the end of the day. It’s been a while since I had to do one of these and I am not really feeling it today. C is not at work today since she has the wedding with the bridesmaid from hell to deal with so I don’t even have my friend to send random emails about nothingness. Super sads.

The highlight of my day today was going to my favorite burger place with my girlfriend J. Yes I realize that burgers are the enemy of Biggest Loser contests but I have had a busy week and to me eating a giant gooey burger at lunch is the equivalent of having a box of wine after work. So while J and I are catching up on her visit to NYC and my possible move to another city, I notice that I am being stared at. I look up and my eyes meet those of another girl who is about 17 and looks like the wiccan surrogate from Baby Mama and *she doesn’t look away*. I mean her seat isn’t even facing me so she literally has her head turned my direction and is staring like she means it. This is some scary shit.

Me: J, do I have food on my face or something?

J: Why? Because that girl is staring at you?

Me: YES! I thought it was all in my head but you see it too.

J: Yeah it’s weird. It’s like that movie The Crazies.

Me: What if she attacks me?

J: Here, you can use my plastic butter knife to defend yourself.

Throughout this whole exchange and my entire burger this girl continues to stare, which for some reason is really starting to anger me now. I mean, who does this chick think she is? Why is she blatantly staring with no shame? Wait a second. Wait just one second. There is another woman blatantly and purposefully staring at me from a different table. Now I am really freaking out and am certain that I have somehow wandered into Zombieland. I start looking around, seeing if anyone else sees this and if there are other zombies that I need to watch out for. I even look behind me to make sure there isn’t some kind of ninja zombie sneak attack going on.

And that’s when I notice it. Behind me there is a big digital number thingy that shows your order number when it’s ready. These chicks were staring because they were hungry and wanted their damn burger, not because they wanted to eat my brain, and here I was ready to stab them all with plasticware. I guess it’s a good thing they weren’t zombies because I am sure my brain is mostly mush at this point.

Super unprepared for zombie apocalypse sads,


Becky Mochaface said...

In grad school, there was this girl we called The Eye. In class she always said two or three rows in front of me and my friends. But she would turn around and stare at us for no reason. All. The. Time. Seriously. We counted one class. It was like 80 something times. I wish I were exaggerating. Creeptastic.

Where might you be moving to?

Becky Mochaface said...

Crap on a crap cracker. That's supposed to be sat. Not said. I need to go home.

twononblondes said...

I literally just LOL'ed. Maybe The Eye is the girl I saw today because she had no shame in her staring. I might be moving to Austin. I'm currently job hunting. Fun times.

Sarah RDH said...

I think they were staring at you. Yep.

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