Thursday, April 8, 2010

Freaks & Whores High School

By Gina

I am planning my 10-year high school reunion. I don’t quite remember exactly how I became the reunion coordinator but I know it makes me want to stab people. Not just any people. I want to stab all these bitches I went to high school with. I mentioned before that I went to an all girls catholic high school. It was awful. And since there were no boys around to impress, I frequently went to school looking like a bag of trash – no makeup, no blow-drying of the hair, no plucking. It was gross, I know. And I know I am not making this all up in my head because I actually ran into a girl from high school about a year ago and she hugged me and said “Gina! You got pretty!!!” I am not sure her level of surprise was necessary.

Anyway, back to the Freaks & Whores High School reunion. We have a FB page for our reunion, which means I had to friend these bitches so I could invite them to this stupid page. I have set up meetings, asked for suggestions, and requested songs and pictures for a fucking slideshow. Aside from 2 girls who showed up to one of my meetings, I have gotten zero responses. Zero. Finally yesterday I had enough. On Monday I sent an email to all the members of FWHS Class of 2000 asking for mailing addresses so I could send them an invitation to a reunion that I don’t even want to go to. I got 20 responses out of 120. Now I sent this email over FB and, since FB is conducive to stalking, I couldn’t help but notice all these bitches got on FB to update their statuses. Here are a few examples:

“Can’t wait to go home and play with my baby! My baby is the light of my life! I want to cuddle with my baby!!! BABYBABYBABY Aaauuuggghhhh!!!!!” (Just so you know, I am not anti-baby. This chick literally updates her status about 14 times a day talking about how much she loves her baby. Dude, we get it. You love your baby. Congrats.)

“Tonight I am making roasted rosemary ribeyes, smoked gouda macaroni & cheese, sourdough bread and chocolate mousse!” (Holy shit, you have time to make all this crap on a random Tuesday and you can't respond to a five second email???)

“Please send me cows and pigs and chickens and fertilizer!!!” (Need I elaborate?)

So, since it was obvious that these hoes were ignoring me, I tried a different tactic. I sent a follow up email yesterday.


Thanks to the 20 of you who responded. For the rest of you, if you do not respond by this weekend, then I will assume you do not want to attend and will not send you an invitation. Thanks!

I’ll let you know how it goes. In the mean time, I am having a block when it comes to music I use to listen to in high school. I mean, I remember it was music that was awesome at the time and now embarrasses me, like Creed and Christina Aguilera. So I am asking you, my internet friends, please help me remember what horrible music was cool 10 years ago. This is me begging for comments.


Becky Mochaface said...

Anything Matchbox Twenty. Thong Song, Kyrptonite, Bye Bye Bye.

Here are some more:

Sarah RDH said...

bahahahaha THE THONG SONG!!! YES IT WAS!!! lmao

Let's see....def. some Britney, "I'm not a girl, not yet a woman" or whatever that one was where she wore the red pleather catsuit and pretended to be on Mars with some hot dudes or something.

I was personally into some Dre-2001 myself, but I wasn't old enough to actually purchase the CD. lol but my bff's mom bought it for her!!

And hello- SLIM SHADY. Hi, My name is...what?

If you're gonna do N*Sync, you have to do Backstreet Boys and probably should throw in some 98 degrees as well. I think The Offspring had a song or 2 popular back then too.

Oh TRL! How I miss having those 3 wasted after-school hours with you! Until they cut the time slot and started showing like 30 seconds of 7 of the 10 videos. That was the beginning of the end.

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