Thursday, April 8, 2010

Freaks & Whores High School

By Gina

I am planning my 10-year high school reunion. I don’t quite remember exactly how I became the reunion coordinator but I know it makes me want to stab people. Not just any people. I want to stab all these bitches I went to high school with. I mentioned before that I went to an all girls catholic high school. It was awful. And since there were no boys around to impress, I frequently went to school looking like a bag of trash – no makeup, no blow-drying of the hair, no plucking. It was gross, I know. And I know I am not making this all up in my head because I actually ran into a girl from high school about a year ago and she hugged me and said “Gina! You got pretty!!!” I am not sure her level of surprise was necessary.




Anyway, back to the Freaks & Whores High School reunion. We have a FB page for our reunion, which means I had to friend these bitches so I could invite them to this stupid page. I have set up meetings, asked for suggestions, and requested songs and pictures for a fucking slideshow. Aside from 2 girls who showed up to one of my meetings, I have gotten zero responses. Zero. Finally yesterday I had enough. On Monday I sent an email to all the members of FWHS Class of 2000 asking for mailing addresses so I could send them an invitation to a reunion that I don’t even want to go to. I got 20 responses out of 120. Now I sent this email over FB and, since FB is conducive to stalking, I couldn’t help but notice all these bitches got on FB to update their statuses. Here are a few examples:



“Can’t wait to go home and play with my baby! My baby is the light of my life! I want to cuddle with my baby!!! BABYBABYBABY Aaauuuggghhhh!!!!!” (Just so you know, I am not anti-baby. This chick literally updates her status about 14 times a day talking about how much she loves her baby. Dude, we get it. You love your baby. Congrats.)



“Tonight I am making roasted rosemary ribeyes, smoked gouda macaroni & cheese, sourdough bread and chocolate mousse!” (Holy shit, you have time to make all this crap on a random Tuesday and you can't respond to a five second email???)



“Please send me cows and pigs and chickens and fertilizer!!!” (Need I elaborate?)



So, since it was obvious that these hoes were ignoring me, I tried a different tactic. I sent a follow up email yesterday.



Ladies:



Thanks to the 20 of you who responded. For the rest of you, if you do not respond by this weekend, then I will assume you do not want to attend and will not send you an invitation. Thanks!



I’ll let you know how it goes. In the mean time, I am having a block when it comes to music I use to listen to in high school. I mean, I remember it was music that was awesome at the time and now embarrasses me, like Creed and Christina Aguilera. So I am asking you, my internet friends, please help me remember what horrible music was cool 10 years ago. This is me begging for comments.

2 comments:

Becky Mochaface said...

Anything Matchbox Twenty. Thong Song, Kyrptonite, Bye Bye Bye.

Here are some more: http://www.maguireonline.com/2000a.php

Sarah RDH said...

bahahahaha THE THONG SONG!!! YES IT WAS!!! lmao

Let's see....def. some Britney, "I'm not a girl, not yet a woman" or whatever that one was where she wore the red pleather catsuit and pretended to be on Mars with some hot dudes or something.

I was personally into some Dre-2001 myself, but I wasn't old enough to actually purchase the CD. lol but my bff's mom bought it for her!!

And hello- SLIM SHADY. Hi, My name is...what?

If you're gonna do N*Sync, you have to do Backstreet Boys and probably should throw in some 98 degrees as well. I think The Offspring had a song or 2 popular back then too.

Oh TRL! How I miss having those 3 wasted after-school hours with you! Until they cut the time slot and started showing like 30 seconds of 7 of the 10 videos. That was the beginning of the end.

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