Okay, remember when I was all "Dont do Chat Roulette! It's full of weirdos, creeps and awkward conversations!"? Yeah, me neither. Which is why last night, when I was bored during Grey's Anatomy, I remembered reading an article at work that said Ben Folds is on Chat Roulette like all the time. I wouldn't mind chatting with Ben Folds and Meredith and Derek are making me throw up in my mouth, so I went back in.
I didnt want to end up on bestofchatroulette.com or anything though, since I am a semi-respectable lady so I took precautions this time
:
So armed with the Mardi Gras mask I won by dominating a musical chairs contest, I logged back in and started chatting with some random guy:
Me: Nice beard. (He was wearing a long black wig and a bandana, but he was drinking a beer so I thought we at least at that in common.)
Osama: Thanks. Nice mask. Can you show me your boobs? I am playing Chatroulette bingo and I still have that space open.
Me: Oh, that's probably not going to happen. I'm a lady (he doesn't know better).
Osama: Eh that's okay. You can't blame me for trying. (He's got me there.)
Me: yeah (this isn't awkward at all)
Osama: What about a dog?
Me: You want to see my dog's boobs? Because she's spayed so they are pretty unremarkable.
Osama: No, one of my free bingo spaces is find a dog.
Me: Oh! Here ya go! (Lucy makes her internet debut and is P-I-S-S-E-D about it. She's all WTF, mom?! Where's my GD mask, you selfish wench?)
Osama gives me a virtual high five and we move on. I land on another guy (that's what she said) and he immediately tells me "I'm not going to pull my pants down, so don't bother asking." Mmmkay....Next!
What happens when I click the Next button is the reason I will never. ever. in my life again. be visiting Chat Roulette. It's a erect penis. Like a close-up of a penis. So at first I am all "what is that? it looks a little like...OMG." There doesn't even seem to be anyone attached to this penis. And it is standing up all on its own. At first, I am totally grossed out. Then I am impressed in spite of myself and wondering how long this person has been standing in front of their webcam like this. Then I returned to grossed out. This all happened in about 4 seconds and then I quickly shut my laptop, unplugged it, hid it under my sofa and took a shower where I scrubbed my skin until it was red to try and erase the image from my mind.
You win, Chat Roulette. You win.
-Gina
P.S. If you need me I'll be huddled in the fetal position in the corner of my office.
2 comments:
This? Is exactly why I'm too chicken to try it. I'm freaked out at the possibility at seeing strangers' junks. Not because I'm a prude. I just have zero interest in seeing it. Probably same reason why I don't have a subscription to Playgirl
Um yeah I totally could've told you that would happen. The bigger question is, why WOULDN'T some creepy weirdo be standing in front of his webcam like that on Chat Roulette??
BUT I MAY also be enticed by Ben Folds too. Actually, no bc I don't even know what Ben Folds looks like, I just know there is a song or 2 that I really liked in the 90's. And remember how I said I can't remember things? Yeah I can't remember the songs, I just know there were a few I liked.
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