Monday, March 22, 2010


Tuesday is Shoesday here at Two Non Blondes. We are so excited about it, that we are posting our first ever joint post!

NB1: Fairly recently we both joined shoe clubs. I joined Shoe Dazzle because I love Kim Kardashian and NB2 joined Shoe Fab because a nasty rumor was spread that Shoe Dazzle is out and Shoe Fab is in. (By the way, we promise we are working on better aliases. NB1 and NB2 makes us sound like reject robots from Short Circuit. Remember Short Circuit? Number 5 is alive! I love that movie.) So anyway, yeah shoes. So the gist is you pay $40/month and shoes are selected for you based on your *style*, you pick a pair and they are shipped to you. Genius.

NB2: The most amazing part is that these clubs have hired professional shoe designers complete with real degrees in shoe shopping, and are all successful business venture peeps who HANDPICK your shoe selections each month. Like a real life personal shoe shopper that I don't have to pay but knows exactly what I like and what I need at exactly the right time. Or so I thought.

To get started you fill out this in-depth personality quiz based on your fashion dreams and inspirations. These quizes are the insight to your personal shoe style fabulousness. Below are some of the *actual* questions and responses from the Shoe Fab quiz I completed to join:

SF (Shoe Fab): Which of the following three shoe styles would you wear to the Grammy's (insert 3 very different shoes, details only semi-important)?

Me: 1st picture looks great but I don't particularly think a nude pump screams Grammy Awards. 2nd picture looks way more *Daytime Emmy* than Grammy Awards, and why would they put a huge yellow flower on bright pink stilettos? Picture 3 is all kinds of awesome and totally worth building an outfit around. I choose picture 3

SF: Who is your style icon: Gwen Stefani, Fergie, or Anne Hathaway?

Me: Well, that totally depends. Gwen Stefani today or circa 1995 Spiderweb? I like Fergie, but not too big on her clothes, or her shoes for that matter. Anne Hathaway? Uh hello?! The very same Devil Wears Prada and Awesome Chanel Boots and Bride Wars Teacher Chic Anne Hathaway? Yes, please!

SF: Which heel hight do you most prefer: flats, mid-height (3-5 inches), or super stripper corked wedge 8 inch platform heels?

Me: Again, this also depends. I have nothing against flats, but I am afraid if I *prefer* flats, I will be sent a selection of birkenstocks and other geriatric type shoes. Also, I am of the belief that wearing flats too often is broadcasting that you have essentially given up on life. I love me some heels but I dont need 12 new pairs of heels within the next year. And 5 inches is considered *mid* height? Ordinarily, wedges make me want to barf. But what else would possibly be appropriate to go out in here in South Texas but innappropriately high wedges which are obviously the new must have shoe? I.So.Need.Strippper.Shoes. Obviously I go with the 8" wedges.

So then I sat back and awaited my first shoe selection from the awesome and not at all confused shoe stylists. My selection arrived and apparently my shoe style is super-slutty-domanatrix-murderer (the heels on these shoes can kill, literally) - meets - hospital chic. Bleh. One particularly disgusting pair was reminiscent of a straight jacket for your feet, in prison grey, no less.

I made the wisest selection I could, and settled for these beauties:

NB1: Since I love shoes and figured the more stylists helping me out the better, I also tried ShoeFab. I, too, had this irrational fear about getting nothing but flats so I for some reason answered all the questions as if I moonlight as a 5’2” drag queen. (Side note: I am not actually a drag queen and I am about 5’7”.) I am also not against flats. I have zillions of flats for every occasion. I just figured I am not that style-deficient that I need a personal shopper to tell me which $40 flats to buy. To make a long story short, the stylists recommended 6 pairs of tranny shoes with heels >5” which would put me right at 6’0”. No thanks.

I then sent them an email saying “Hi, can you please send me shoes that an accountant could wear out on the town but could also wear at work and maybe also to that club that all the young kids go so that I can blend in? Thanks!” This thoroughly confused the people at SF and two days later I received 6 pairs of $40 bedazzled flip flops in my second selection as retaliation. Hence, ShoeFab and I are not friends, but I am happy for NB2 and her new warm and fuzzy relationship.


Sarah said...

Love the blog! But now I am afraid of shoe clubs!

Sarah RDH said...

SF sucks. Shoedazzle all the way. TEAM KIM. sorry NB2.

JO ANNA GUERRA (of The Adventures of Saia and Chago) said...


twononblondes said...

Those shoes totally tried to kill me Tuesday night. I wore them to dinner with my mother and the heel wobbled and I fell in slow motion directly to the hard concrete floor. My Mom even laughed at me. I am not sure I can ever wear them again.

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