Monday, March 22, 2010

Life Rule #2 NEVER Steal Another Girl's Bouquet

I went to a wedding this weekend. It was probably one of the most fun weddings I had ever been to. There was nothing particularly extravagant about this wedding other than there was an open bar and great music.

Anyway, as all weddings go, it eventually came time for the bouquet toss. Now I am not one of those trample-over-my-own-mother-for-the-bouquet kind of girls. I am more like hey-if-it-comes-my-way-and-I-happen-to-catch-it-with-my-super-long-fingers-so-be-it kind of girls. So before my friend, let's call her Maggie, throws the bouquet she tells this story. Apparently she caught this very same bouquet at a wedding a year ago and two weeks later her boyfriend proposed to her so it has like special powers. So after Maggie tells this amazing story about this magic bouquet, she very obviously points the magic bouquet at me and winks like “I’m totally aiming for you” which was awesome b/c I have never in my life caught a bouquet, let alone a bouquet with special powers, and not even best frenemy aimed for me.

Then, as if in slow motion, without even bothering to fake throw it for the photog, Maggie tosses the enchanted magical special powers bouquet and its heading right toward me! As if in slow motion, I ready myself, so excited that she would bequeath this special gift unto me and thinking about how after five years I might finally actually get married and that it will happen before I turn 30 and how when I do get married I will toss this very same bouquet and tell the story of Maggie and her generous heart. Suddenly, out of nowhere, some "sturdy" {NB2 edit - this girl was NOT me} girl in a yellow dress jumps from the other side of the group of girls and totally boxes me out and steals my bouquet! WTF??!! She stole my magic powers, enchanted, superhero bouquet of all bouquets that was purposely tossed to me! I just stood there. Stunned that this girl would have the audacity to do such a thing. I felt like crying. Over a freaking bouquet of fake flowers. (I mentioned the open bar, right?) To make things even more appalling, she doesn't even have a boyfriend (yes, my classy friends went over and asked her).

All of my friends (and most other people at the wedding) agreed that I was totally robbed and tried to devise ways to steal it (grab it while she was dancing), win it (challenge her to an arm wrestling competition) or to get Maggie to do a do-over, but I told them it just wasnt meant to be. I just sincerely hope that if that bouquet-stealing, boyfriend-less sturdy wench gets married before me, she will invite me to her wedding so I can claim what is rightfully mine.


Sarah RDH said...

Good stuff. At my own wedding, I actually got pretty pissed, bc one of my bridesmaids caught it, and was tackled by another bridesmaid, who was soooo desperate for her batman obsessed freak boyfriend to propose to her....she tackled her TO THE GROUND, sat on her, I'm pretty sure there was some brief hair-pulling and totally robbed the other of my bouquet. I was not the least bit surprised. Oh and btw- I am in crazy chicks wedding to batman boyfriend this summer. Not looking forward to it. We all used to work together, and her bf actually used to wear FANGS to work, bc he liked vampires. Like in front of customers he did this. And he was a manager. Yes, I said FANGS. I don't know what the fuck I'm gonna do...

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