Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Drunk Girl Thoughts

I think I had a purposeful post thought out but then I started drinking wine by myself and all my thoughts are scattered about so here is an insight into my ADHD mind:

I cheated on Kimmy K today. Me. The person who is always "oh poor misunderstood KK. I accept you in all your tranny glory." I went into DSW like a woman on a mission. As in I set my purse down, took off my Bandolinos and wandered the store trying on every shoe in the damn store and walked out with THREE pairs. It felt kind of like when you are on a strict diet and then you binge eat at Taco Bell but you do it in your car so you can throw out the evidence in the garbage as soon as you get out so that it feels like it never happened. Please don't say I am the only person who has ever done this. Maybe I will post pics when I don't feel like such a cheating whore. Of the shoes, not my binge eating.

I went swimsuit shopping with N yesterday. I threw my inevitable tantrum but not because I was too fat, because Victoria Secret is stupid and doesn't realize that their demographic of women in need of chestal support does not need triangle bikini tops the size of delicious tortilla chips, we need supportive halter-like lifting machines to hold any size boobage. I warned N it was going to happen but he was still taken by surprise when we walked into a store and then I walked immediately out the minute he naturally gravitated toward the obligatory "man chair." Hello!? You sitting in the chair while I shop is the same thing as just going by myself!

Also, I am a failure. I ate like 5 times this weekend because in an effort to appear like I am a marriable domesticated woman I made paella for dinner for me and my man and now there are leftovers. I have 3 days to not eat solid food in an attempt to not cause nausea while wearing my new swimsuit in South Beach. Wish me luck. My new mantra is WWJE (what would jennifer aniston eat). Yes, it is sacrilege. Get over it. I've been drinking.



Sarah RDH said...

Ummm you SHOULD cheat on Kim K at this point. Got my new selections yesterday- FAIL. I'm starting to get pissed. Real pissed.
And the swimsuit thing? Girl, I've been having the same problems for YEARS. I'm even considering wearing my maternity, yes I said MATERNITY, swimsuit from last year, bc it's the only one I've ever found with adequate boob support.

Becky Mochaface said...

When you started to see Kimmy K, did you two agree to be exclusive? If not, it's not cheating. You're just getting what you need from another source. Especially since she sucks at it. So no guilt. And pictures please!

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