Friday, March 19, 2010

What not to say to a person on a diet

NB1 and I are 2 people in a much larger group participating in a "Biggest Loser" challenge (Larger as in number of people, not necessarily in pounds. Although we do have the lowest BMI's in the group. And we both lost the most during week 1. Being skinny is extra important to us.). Today marks day 7, and thus a weigh in is necessary.

This morning began like most other mornings, I was hit with the urge to stay in bed and face my true calling as a TV show critic, but unfortunately I remembered I had a real job and as I got out of bed, I noticed my stomach flattened out just a little bit more than usual. There may or may not have been a small but tasteful celebration in my mind which included a multicolored fireworks show. I tend to overreact. Then, I remembered it was weigh in day, and suddenly I felt as if my entire body expanded and I suddenly resembled the Fat oompa-loompa bridesmaid from hell I encountered this past weekend (story to come on this crazy bitch in a later post) and I realized today was probably not the day my scale and I became BFFs.

I moped to the bathroom, stripped myself of anything I thought could add extra weight (my watch could totally weight 0.5 pounds, its old and made out of like steel or something) and stepped on the scale praying the number at least didn't go up. I held my breath and looked down, and holy balls I lost 2.5 pounds. I totally could have lost 2.7, but my scale measures in 0.5 pounds, so I assume if I lost 2.7 pounds, it would round to 2.5. I am an accountant, I round numbers all day long.

Anyway, 2.5 pounds was like winning the lottery. I was so excited, I did a little happy dance and jumped in the shower.

Later, after Husband had finally woken up, I stood before him and proudly pronounced "I lost 2.5 pounds, Bitch! What do you think about that?"

Husband replied with a very confused stare, probably because he knows I am not a morning person and rarely even speak before I have a cup of coffee, or large Diet Coke. And then he said the words any wife wants to hear: "Good job, honey that's great. But I never thought you were fat."

Me (in my head) - God I love you. You are so sweet....wait, are you still talking?

He continues with "You are just sturdy." What. The. F. (I totally had to edit NB2. Insert curse words of your choosing here.)

Seriously men, stop when you are ahead. Your response to your girlfriend/wife/mother/any female acquaintance who is openly dieting should be "You look wonderful, why would you want to lose weight?" And when they tell you success stories "That's great, but careful, don't lose too much, you look fantastic as is."

Never. Ever. Use any synonym for fat, including sturdy.


Sarah RDH said...

hahahahahaha men are stupid. Who the eff says "sturdy"???

twononblondes said...

I have been trying to come up with the right word to use against him. What implies "more than sturdy?"
I played by the rules and married up, as in bigger and heavier than myself, but he has the nerve to call me sturdy. Men.

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