Saturday, March 13, 2010

Rule #1 - Never Share a Karaoke Stage with a Couch

Hi. V here. Let me tell you about my weekend.

On Saturday, my aunt decides she wants her b-day party at a karaoke bar that is in the non-classy side of town (I come from a long line of karaoke’ers from the non-classy side of town) and I’m like, yeah I’m down, whatever, and I entice a couple of friends to join me with promises of not staying very long. To our surprise two burly men drag a couch onto the stage and all of a sudden the karaoke bar turns into a strip club, complete with a stripper named Diamond. I could not make this up if I tried. Half of me is like, “woohoo! two bars in one!” because I love a good deal. The other half of me is like, uh, I hope this doesn’t cut into the karaoke rotation b/c I really want to sing.

Anywho, after the trainwreck named Diamond is over, a couple people sing and then its my turn. The joy and adrenaline of hearing your name called at a karaoke bar is like none other, by the way. So I go up and give it my all. I am in the midst of an extremely passionate version of “Total Eclipse of the Heart” when I engage my power stance. Yes, a power stance. Don’t act like you don’t know. So somehow, while in power stance initiation, I manage to catch my brand new Kim Kardashian Shoedazzle hotness on the stripper couch, which I guess Diamond was too lazy to haul off with her. I hobble a bit but power through the end of the song with not a hint of struggle in my voice. I felt like Kerri Strugg or whoever that Olympic gymnast was that broke her whatever and did the flips and won the gold. Go me.

Anyway, turns out I sprained my ankle. Badly. And here I am sentenced to wearing unflattering flats everyday to the office as if I have given up on life. I wish there was happy ending but no. There is however a Life rule: Never share a karaoke stage with a couch. And a stripper named Diamond. On the non-classy side of town.

P.S. I lied. I was singing “What’s Up” by 4 non-blondes was in the middle of the part where she says “Yeah yeah yeah! I said he-ey, what’s going on?!” Don’t judge.


Sarah RDH said...

I totally own Kerri Strug's biography. I loved her in 1996. Say somethin.

If you notice my profile pic, I was totally on stage singing with a REAL BAND at my bach. party. And I totally effing rocked it. I sang all sorts of unbelievable 80's songs like "Don't stop believin" and "Livin on a prayer". (Journey is my fav band EVA. Bon Jovi is a qucik #2) The best part though, was when I spotted my ex-bf in the crowd, at the same place for HIS bach. party. And yes, it was out of town, so what are the odds?? I'm POSITIVE he was thinking "There's the one that got away..." That's right fucker.

twononblondes said...

I am crazy jealous of your live band karaoke-ing. The closest I have come to live band karaoke is getting drunk and asking this band who was playing all the hits from "Now: Thats What I Call Emo" if I could sing with them. They said yes and I got to sit on a stool and sing from the heart. I think this must be what Jewel used to feel like before she fixed her teeth.

And any girl who sings Journey with a live band is clearly a winner in my book.


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