Saturday, March 27, 2010

Life rule #3 Never Assume Someone is Pregnant

We have all heard the stories of women just a few months post baby that are asked "when are you due?" The best part of these stories are when the accused woman is holding, carrying, nursing a tiny newborn. Life is not a soap opera, you can't be pregnant with one baby and get pregnant with another months later while still pregnant with the 1st. One pregnancy at a time. (If I am wrong, please God, don't ruin it for me.)

Anyway, this rule is not about identifying that you may be an idiot who says stupid things. If you are dumb enough to ask someone when they are due, you wont find help here. We can only do so much. This rule is for people who are observant enough to notice weight gain, a familiar motherly gesture, or a glow on another unsuspecting woman. I don't care if it is your daughter, your sister, or your friend. Never.Ask.If.Someone.Is.Pregnant.Ever. Unless maybe if you are an emergency technician who needs the information to perform emergency care. Then, I guess it's ok.

This has happened to me a lot lately. Yes world, I have gained some weight. And yes, sometimes I wear shirts that are loose around my stomach, and yes, sometimes I choose to order a club soda at the bar (normally because someone has to drive my drunken husband home). But I am NOT preggo. I will tell YOU when I am pregnant and want you to know.

Recently, crazy excel-genius client of mine looked me straight in the eye and said "Oh my gosh, are you pregnant?" I replied no, but she thought I was lying. When I repeated that I was definitely not pregnant she says, "Its the way you are standing. You look pregnant."

The F?

I am off to go spend some time with my treadmill. Apparently our relationship is suffering.


Sarah RDH said...

Ouch. Yeah when I bartended, one of the regulars made a pregnancy comment to me and i told him I wasn't, and HE got an attitude with ME, and said I shouldn't wear clothes that make me look like it then. And I told him to start leaving better tips, so I could buy a a new wardrobe. And that was the end of that.

twononblondes said...

Sarah RDH, we love you. Oh god, I promised NB2 we wouldn't say it first. What I mean is, we love you as a person. Oh no, it's too soon isn't it? Just forget I said anything [insert awkward silence...]

Sarah RDH said... should love me bc I'm basically the only one that comments on your shit. I'm averaging about 6 comments per post now, so I'm like THE REAL DEAL.

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