Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Life Rule: When it Is Okay To Act Like A Crazy Person

I am going to preface this post by saying that I am sorry to all those bridezillas out there for not understanding your crazy. Because suddenly I am a crazy person. C says that as long as I acknowledge my crazy and know when it is okay to exhibit my crazy then I might have a chance at living a normal life.  See, N and I are in the process of moving in together but at the moment we live about an hour and a half away from each other. And occasionally he has meetings or his phone dies or he works. And this drives me nuts. Because in my head he sees me calling but decides to act all Lady Gaga on my ass.

Here is the exact email exchange between C and I from yesterday:

G: I've completely lost it. I broke up with my “fiancĂ©” over email because he wouldn’t answer when I called, which of course made me paranoid because I’m a crazy person.

C:  Here is when I think you have a green light to be super crazy (all methods 100% tested by me):

1. You, Lucy, your house, or either of your families are in danger, on fire, hurt, sick, dying, etc.
2. No one has heard from him in 24 hrs plus.
3. You do hear from him tonight, but after he has a) gone to a bar with friends, b) after he has returned emails and/or sat on his couch for greater than 5 minutes, or c) acts as if he thought he was calling you and does not let on that you have called him.

I liken myself to a complete psycho in terms of the no return call issue, which B is well aware of.  I send text messages and leave voicemails. If I know he is out at a bar and doesnt answer, I have been known to call 20 times in a row. You know, just in case he didnt hear the phone before and suddenly the bar noise dropped and he hears the ring. My argument is "what if it was an emergency?" to which he replies, "Was it? So you are the wife who calls wolf?" Equals.
G: Here is why I think I am allowed to act crazy. You be the judge:

Tuesday morning: No call. No answering of calls.

Tuesday afternoon: Still no call and no answering of calls. It has been officially 24 hours. I send break up email and leave breakup message to cover all bases.
Tuesday at 4:30pm: No response to any attempts to contact. I feel fully justified in my decision to break up and begin contemplating sending him ring in mail except I don’t even know where he is working this week or if he is working at all so grand gesture of hatred will likely go unnoticed. Feeling of emptiness ensues.

According to C, I was allowed to act crazy and proceeded to continue to call my fiance multiple times in a row in case he could not hear the phone or he set it down and came back to it for a half second and I happened to be calling at that exact time. And in case you are wondering, he did eventually call me with the reasoning "I was going to call when I got up but you seemed mad so..." Fiance's are the worst.


P.S. Yes, now you know my crazy. But being ignored is the one thing I go nuts over and overall I am pretty normal so I think it is allowed.


Sarah RDH said...

Ummmm totally allowed. Luckily, my hubs doesn't have much of a life, so if he is gone, I know exactly where he is at all times. Aren't we lucky?? Besides that, he DOES have friends, but none have kids yet, therefore they have money to go do cool things such as stop at the bar, go out of town to eat, or go to concerts. Hubs does not. *sads* This is also how I know where he is. He has no money to spend which rules out beer & whores, so we're good on that.

twononblondes said...

Ugh I am so jealous of your well-behaved, no-life-or-money-having husband. N also does not have any friends but since we are childless he has plenty of money left for beer and whores. I can't wait until we move to the middle of nowhere. Until then I will be on Craigslist looking for affordable tracking devices.

Sarah RDH said...

Hey your big chance to move to the middle of nowhere is here! My house has been for sale for a year. How do you feel about a 2 bed, 1 bath ranch style with large, privacy fenced in backyard and 2 1/2 car heated garage???? Appliances stay, 4 year old is negotiable.

Sarah RDH said...

Oh and I forgot to mention the 42 in plasma and in-wall surround sound. What a gem.

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